Wicked Step-Mom Part 2

     I have found some sites to which I relate, as far as being a step-mom in a contentious dynamic with bio-mom. They are under my links section, if you want to check them out!
     My favorite and most witty one...the wicked step-mom blog. You have to read the bookmarks on her page, and her cast of characters!!
     One of my favorite quotations I have ever read about being a step-mom is: "Step-moms are expected to step up while being stepped on." I get that one!
     As of late, I have even reached out more to my boys' step-mom. I have told her how much I appreciate her, and I have thanked her for loving my boys.
     I know my situation is different with her than the one I have with my step-daughter's bio-mom, as for starters, my kids are much older. She really wasn't part of raising them, and she doesn't feel the same responsiblity for them as I do for my step-daughter.
     And, she doesn't spend as much time as I do with my little one, because we live farther away from each other. However, when I see my boys hug and kiss her good-bye, it doesn't make me angry. It makes me feel happy for my boys. And, even more I feel respect for her because she has taken the time and love to bond with my sons.
     Another hot topic in the world of being a step-parent is what your step-child calls you. I personally think that kids will call you whatever is in their hearts, and that you should not stress over it.
     My case in point: I have been with my step-daughter since she was just 1 1/2 years old. She grew up with my two boys also in the house, and also calling me mom.
     When she first started calling me mom, we corrected her and told her to call me Trisha instead. Eventually, she compressed what she called me into Mama Trisha. This did not bode well with bio-mom.
     But, let's be real. We have my step-daughter half-time, equally as when she is with her bio-mom. I have the duties of mom when she is with us, and I love her as my own daughter. It's natural for her to call me as she does.
     Now, that she is a bit older and even more confused, she asks lots of questions. She has been repeatedly told that I am not her mom, and so she wants to know why. I have explained to her on several occasions that her mom carried her in her tummy and her mom had her. And, that I am a second mom. That I love her and that she can call me whatever she wants. She still opts to call me Mama and Mom.
     Now, her bio-mom makes the case that since I moved out of her house that I am not even her step-mom anymore, only when Rick and I marry will I have that role. SO, if we want to be technical and legal, I am not a step-mom. But, how does that change who I am in my step-daughter's life and heart?
     We still have the same relationship, even though I don't spend every night (although many) at her house. We still all eat dinner together most nights as a family (with my son, included) when she is with us. She loves her brothers (bio and step) to the ends of the earth. They are her family, too.
     Our personal decision to have separate houses changed our living arrangements, but our relationship is much stronger, and we have remained committed to our children throughout this change of circumstances, which are not permanent. How does that change labels?
     Recently, I have thought about the women in my life. I think about when I grew up. My parents did live together, but I also had a VERY strong bond with another woman when I was a teenager, who I called Mom. She was my second mom. Not a replacement, not a better mom than my real mom, just another mom.
     I have had other women in my life, even as an adult, who have also mothered me. Does that make my bio-mom any less of a mom? Absolutely not.
     Not too long ago I came across the following, and I cannot remember where, so I apologize for not being able to cite its source, but it does hammer straight to the truth of all of this.

"Someone please tell me why everyone gets their panties in a ruffle over step parents simply being called mom/dad? If it is what the children want why be mad? Remember the African saying: it takes a village to raise a child. The name mom/dad is just that a name, a concept it holds no value. What is of value is you and your child's relationship. If you are secure in your child's love for you, then what difference does it make if they call two women/men, mom/dad. Let me put it like this: In life you have two grandmas, and two grandpas from both of your parents. You call both these women Grandma or some form of Grandma. Is that in some way taking away from either one when you call both Grandma? Does it mean that you love one more? Perhaps you should only refer to your oldest grandma and grandpa as that since they were your grandparents first (because they were born before the other set of grandparents)and call the other one by their first names that way no one has to be jealous of a name. I am sooooooooooooooooooo sick and tired of hearing about this issue. If you love your kids let them be free to love those around them and call them accordingly. And by the way I am on both sides of this issue so you can't say that I dont know what I'm taking about."